Category Archives: Humor

Jokes and things I thought were funny.

Nomadic Rug Trader

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Nomadic RugsHad lunch in Pyrmont today and I was thinking about an establishment called the Nomadic Rug Trader. So what do they sell?

Nomadic Rugs I suppose.

And do these rugs travel in herds? Perhaps they need a shepard?

Which is where the Trader of Nomadic Rugs comes in.

conservatopia (definition)

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conservatopia \ con·serv·a·to·pia \ noun:
An imagined place or state where nothing ever changes. A place that suffers of newmonia often wished they were.

newmonia (definition)

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newmonia \ neu·moh·nee·uh \ noun:
A medical condition where suffers feel the need to complain about all the new things they encounter.

Schools will be rated by Lleyton Hewitt

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Schools to be rates by Lleyton HewittIn today’s Sun Herald Julia Gillard reviles that schools will now be rated by Lleyton Hewitt.

Upon hearing the news at his court in Melbourne Mr Hewitt raised his fist and screamed in joy. The familiar ‘Common’ could be heard a block away.

Teachers are expected to object to this appointment, but the government sees it as the best way to deal with all but the most belligerent opponent.

“Common! That comment was out.” a Department spokesman was heard declaring.

Wheelchairs and strollers approaching, are you ready?

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Wheelchair and stroller approaching, are you ready?Outside Paddy’s Markets today I noticed these signs to forewarn you. Prepare for the arrival of wheelchairs and strollers (stage left).

Are you ready?

A supermarket aisle to marvel at

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Strange aisle combinationNoticed this sign at the end of an aisle in Coles at Broadway shopping centre.

Perhaps it is a sign of things you will need together.

ie. if you eat too much canned fish, Mexican and Asian food, you will need a new pair of underwear or a nappy. After which you will only be able to eat baby food for a while.

Feel penalised for bad fashion sense on CityRail doll?

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Penalised for bad dress sense?As you can see from this poster, CityRail is going to be imposing on the spot fines for bad dress sense.

Don’t wear those Aggressive cut jeans. You might be up for a $400 on the spot fine, or 3 months imprisonment.

And especially, doll, don’t look anything like this. Or the CityRail fashion police will be out to get you.

(Disclaimer: I may have misread the poster. It could be about ‘Aggressive Guy‘, and the want to discourage anti social behaviour on trains.)

illiteration / elliteration (definition)

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illiteration \ ill·lit·er·a·tion \ noun:
When all the diseases a hypochondriac thinks they have start with the same letter or sound.

elliteration \ e·lit·er·a·tion \ noun:
When a individual posts the same thing, or something that sounds the same, online over and over again.

fragrant disregard

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fish smelling shredded porkfragrant disregard \ phrase
an obvious, conspicuously bad sense of smell

He showed fragrant disregard at the markets, and bought fish that smelt dreadful.”

The English on this menu in China Town reads “Shredded pork in fragrant hot sauce”.

Although, a literal translation of the Chinese 魚香肉絲 would be “fish-smelling shredded meat”.

Which shows why the literal translation isn’t always what you want.

Much experience waiting? Join the queue

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Saw this wanted ad in the window of a café in Newtown.

Must have waiting and coffee experience.

Yes, I’ve spent extended amounts on time waiting in phone queues for a customer service representative. And by the time you get a person you often need a coffee.

Must be available weekends and nights

When do you think I spend all my time waiting in call centre queues?

:)

Waiting for coffee